Can you go home again?

I’ve often been confused by the saying, “You can’t go home again.” Of course you can go home again. But can you live there again? Can you go back to being the same way, doing the same things, turning back time? No, you can’t.

But we try at times, don’t we? And we dream it’s possible…or that what we had in our last home is possible again.

My husband and I are from Wisconsin and there’s no doubt that’s our homeland, our parents and families are still there. We’ve moved through several states over the years but spent the most significant time in our married life in San Antonio Texas. That’s where our best friends are, that’s where our church home is, that’s where we owned our first home, and had our best successes. We moved away four years ago this coming summer. We moved away for multiple reasons and by choice. We…no, me…second guesses the decision all the time.

This month I took a trip back to San Antonio and discovered how many changes happened without us, yet how much stayed the same. It’s nice being where people love and respect you, and know your talents and character, and being where your encouragers are. This is what I miss most.

I moon over it in fact. I want to go back. But really? Can I go home again? Have I given our new and beautiful home state a chance? I’m wrestling with the emotional but very logical answer.  The reality is I am home here in Virginia. I just need to get to that point of being at home with friends, and encouragement and support systems like a church home, the very things that took 18 years to build in San Antonio. The light bulb went on.

And in the mean time, I’m thinking about another visit because four years was too long.

***

2013 already

I’m fairly certain no one has noticed I haven’t been writing much more than a Facebook status or two every couple of days. But, I’ve noticed. More, what I’ve noticed is there have been no words oozing to be written, and no words being read of any real significance. I’m wordless except for work which I think zaps them right out of me.

Oh, I’ve thought of things I could tell you.

Like, in my doctor’s office when she noted my unexpected weight loss of 14 pounds and asked about my exercise program, I told her I really only shiver. I’m cold all the time. All the time. I’m cold now. I’m cold during the night. I’m especially cold in my office at work but that’s really understandable since I’m located in a meat plant. This makes me miss San Antonio which I never thought I would miss for the weather. Nope, I miss the warmth these days as much as I miss friends, or I miss our church, or I miss shopping at HEB. A lot.

I’ve also tried to think of a way to write about what too much estrogen does to a woman of my age who assumed periods were a thing in the far distant past but who single handedly kept the makers of feminine needs in business in 2012. There really isn’t a way to write about that. So let me just pass along the lessons learned. Go to the doctor. If he/she prescribes Provera, follow directions and expect to hate your doctor before you love him/her. Mine actually told me that but I bet a lot of doctors don’t. So please take Iron from the get go. Don’t get anemic. And my trick with Iron is to take it with dinner at night. And by the way, fat cells hold estrogen. Not kidding. So, that’s the short version. Your welcome.

I’m also wanting to write about an Introvert’s need for privacy, quiet, and solitude which is quite the opposite of an Extrovert’s need for friends, family, people, and conversation. But I’m not all the way through to the other side on this one so at the risk of offending someone really dear, I’ll hold off on the telling.

Resolutions are usually a way to set some goals, learn something new, make a plan. In my experience they have worked for me except last year. And the year before. In fact, not since I moved to Virginia have I been very successful with resolutions. Not sure why. Maybe it’s my age. Whatever it is I guess in the back of my head I’m thinking I should. So without really too much focused thinking on this I’m going to use some old ones again.

In 2013:

1. I’m going to find a church to attend regularily.
2. I’m going to be more thoughtful.
3. I’m going to be as healthy as I possibly can be.

And that’s it for this post. 2013 is here and it’s a fresh start. It’s a fresh start on words too.